i'm skylar and i am a BAG of GARBAGE
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stacksbreadup:

WHY ARE YOU CLOSED?

me at thanksgiving dinner

j6:

mom: what are you thankful for my most favourite child in the entire universe?
me: im thankful for this stuffing that im about to receive, and im not talking about the food
mom:
me: *bends over and shoves a giant dick in my ass* gobble gobble!
mom:

queenlatifart:

when someone hot reblogs your selfie

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having mental breakdowns is like a daily thing for me now and i don’t want to live like that

I need to get back on medication

For someone who’s terrified to die, I do a lot of things that could potentially kill me

Suddenly you’re 21 and you’re screaming along in the car to all the songs you listened to when you were sad in middle school and everything is different but everything is good.
wow I cannot relate more (via laughing-treees) ←

llamasouls:

im failing biology

all american family dinner

  • mom: hello son you need to put out the fancy dinner plates. i ordered some Chinese food and we will serve it on the plates so we can pretend i cooked
  • son: of course mom, can u pass me the apple juice
  • mom: of course son. be careful it is very spicy
  • son: *sips juice* OH SUGAR U WERE RIGHT MOM THIS APPLE JUICE IS MUCH TOO SPICY
  • dad: ha ha ha. wash it down with hot dogs, and all american tradition.
  • son: thanks dad. hey, wanna play baseball with me after dinner?
  • dad: we can't tonight, son. tonight is the night we are having our annual family photograph taken
  • mom: i picked out matching sweaters for all of us including the dog.
  • son: we will look great! we should use the photograph as a christmas card! merry christmas from the bakers!
  • dad: great idea, son. don't forget about our fishing trip this weekend
  • son: golly dad, how could i forget that important american family tradition

annulet:

being next to present and you’re not even ready

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